Today is known all over the world as Mardi Gras, Carnevale, Fat Tuesday, etc. It is a day to let loose and go a little crazy. It is a time to be not what you seem, to be both yourself and not yourself. In short, it is a day made for NARPs (narp- not a real person). So in honor of Narp day, we suggest you go out and have a N^2 (narp night) tonight. And if you can’t have a Narp night tonight, then why not just have Narp weekend this weekend? That’s what we’ll be doing. We recommended that you dedicate some time as Narp time too. And don’t be afraid to let us know how being a Narp worked out for you.
NARM- not a real moment
When: Today, February 10, 2010 at 8:00
Where: Outside of Sutherland
Who: The National Guard
Why: Because this is SNOWMAGEDDON
What: Leaving the perch, we saw an armored truck patrolling the streets of Pitt’s campus. And yet we still have class tomorrow. But why do we have class? Conditions haven’t changed, the National Freakin’ Guard is here! The streets are so bad that giant 18-wheelers are getting stuck. Snow drifts have slowly been consuming stray students and at least 6 people have fallen into slush pits on Bigelow! But you know that the University is slowly dying inside from giving us a day off, let alone three! No, you will go to class god dammit, even if this is not a real week, even if it continues to snow forever, we will resume full operations and we will be obnoxious about it and notify you twice, just to rub it in.
It’s like spring break sneak peek.
Call it the snowpocalypse, call it the blizzard of 2010…
either way this is not a real week.
For the second day in a row, Pitt cancels classes.
This is unheard of. Not only for Pitt, but for all colleges in general.
It just further confirms that Pitt is NOT a real college.
NARM- not a real moment.
When: Saturday Feb 6 at 11 pm
Where: the street outside of PA hall
Who: culprits unknown
What (happened): We wanted to dance. Plain and simple. So we decided to take a little walk over to frat hill to see if anything was going on. Yes there was more than a foot of snow on the ground, but its only across the street so worth a try. The two of us slipped and slid our way over there: turns out nothing was open. So we practically sled down the frat steps and made our way back to panther walking in the street. And then, out of nowhere, an orange lands on the ground behind us. Who is throwing oranges at us? And who throws an orange, I mean, honestly? We looked up and it seemed to be people from the top floor of PA hall. Then, they yell ‘f*cking whores’ and throw another orange which hits Nicole in the shoulder! What the hell! you don’t know me! you don’t know my life! I am not a whore! Stop throwing fruit! So I yelled back ‘I’ll have you know I’m a virgin so you can suck my dick.’ oh the irony of throwing projectile oranges at us! not real. Saturday night= narm.
Surprise! Pitt has cancelled classes for Monday February 8, 2010. This has come to a shock to every Pitt student, as it is common knowledge that Pitt does not close for anything. Some say this is the first time the university has closed since its opening in 1787. Others say this is the first time since a water main break on Forbes in 2004. And according to Bill, the week night 10B bus driver, the last time everything shut down was during an ice storm in 2007. Pitt even refused to close during the infamous G-20, when 17 of its students died when secret service agents stormed towers lobby with tear gas, rubber bullets, and AK-47s (ok, no one actually died, but the university was not closed). Regardless, students will be taking full advantage of the re-do Saturday that has become Sunday by dorm drinking and procrastinating further. 22 inches has forced Pitt to make a not real life decision.